oh god the rape fog is back!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
