holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
