What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
