his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
