so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
