you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
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when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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