Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
