i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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