You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
