Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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