If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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