Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Randomize
