Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
