Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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