I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
