I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is it because I queefed?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
