Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
