Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
