new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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