Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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