That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
do herpes really smell.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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