Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
