Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.

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  (816): I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery. http://tfl.nu/2bt2
  Replies (1) Good night (1042) Bad night (532)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.

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  (410): apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual. http://tfl.nu/y4h7
  Replies (18) Good night (1427) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.

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  (908): My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size. http://tfl.nu/6vyk
  Replies (23) Good night (885) Bad night (4183)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin

  (509): View more from Washington

  and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"

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  (509): you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin (509): and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD" http://tfl.nu/lw4q
  Replies (37) Good night (3710) Bad night (645)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.

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  (425): I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well. http://tfl.nu/ht79
  Replies (9) Good night (1190) Bad night (3704)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  He wasn't the only one with a full load.

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  (508): He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket... (1-508): He wasn't the only one with a full load. http://tfl.nu/y8kb
  Replies (24) Good night (6322) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (343): View more from Ontario

  STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.

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  (343): STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS. http://tfl.nu/4nyg
  Replies (1) Good night (3645) Bad night (1334)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD

  (206): View more from Washington

  Or, you could have used a condom

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  (808): Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD (206): Or, you could have used a condom http://tfl.nu/0l3i
  Replies (35) Good night (1150) Bad night (6817)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...

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  (517): I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity... http://tfl.nu/ueq6
  Replies (34) Good night (6857) Bad night (1403)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.

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  (828): That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy. http://tfl.nu/c9sd
  Replies (18) Good night (4672) Bad night (1148)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"

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  (707): then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure" http://tfl.nu/54yc
  Replies (15) Good night (1326) Bad night (3846)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth

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  (712): Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth http://tfl.nu/h1gj
  Replies (10) Good night (594) Bad night (1379)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!

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  (989): We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right! http://tfl.nu/l472
  Replies (4) Good night (1569) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing

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  (228): He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing http://tfl.nu/dsmd
  Replies (1) Good night (715) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.

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  (916): I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings. http://tfl.nu/ki9y
  Replies (2) Good night (451) Bad night (119)

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