He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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