I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
