It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right