Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
ttyl tear gas
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…