Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

I want to walk on stilts...naked

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(201): View more from New Jersey

the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.

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(480): View more from Arizona

With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.

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(305): View more from Florida

Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(803): View more from South Carolina

so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.

(843): View more from South Carolina

drunk me is so punny.

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(407): View more from Florida

Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.

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(602): View more from Arizona

I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?

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(519): View more from Ontario

Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans

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(856): View more from New Jersey

DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS

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