So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful