I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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