you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
