The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
