apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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