"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize