Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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