You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
