omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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