yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He felt like a one man threesome
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
