Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.