I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The best revenge is premature balding
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
