I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.