Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(231): View more from Michigan

So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again

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(231): So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again http://tfl.nu/75wq

Replies (10) Good night (2730) Bad night (855)
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(623): View more from Arizona

highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...

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(623): highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume... http://tfl.nu/i7v6

Replies (56) Good night (4605) Bad night (2243)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.

(510): View more from California

YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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(303): I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it. (510): YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7kxq

Replies (133) Good night (1314) Bad night (29834)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.

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(403): Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'. http://tfl.nu/ube5

Replies (8) Good night (5826) Bad night (1430)
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(785): View more from Kansas

your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us

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(785): your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us http://tfl.nu/mks6

Replies (18) Good night (4043) Bad night (982)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

and then he started using my ass as a stressball

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(973): and then he started using my ass as a stressball http://tfl.nu/q5mx

Replies (16) Good night (3621) Bad night (1453)
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(845): View more from New York

Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping

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(845): Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping http://tfl.nu/4jdo

Replies (12) Good night (789) Bad night (2509)
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(785): View more from Kansas

this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.

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(785): this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila. http://tfl.nu/7xsl

Replies (3) Good night (1418) Bad night (1001)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever

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(306): I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever http://tfl.nu/lhkq

Replies (22) Good night (1457) Bad night (717)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????

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(978): Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right?????? http://tfl.nu/gecs

Replies (12) Good night (974) Bad night (1759)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

He should be castrated

(604): View more from British Columbia

Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons

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(778): He should be castrated (604): Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons http://tfl.nu/5v9r

Replies (7) Good night (612) Bad night (978)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.

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(814): Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME. http://tfl.nu/nij2

Replies (6) Good night (1119) Bad night (425)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration

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(617): I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration http://tfl.nu/vmlp

Replies (5) Good night (590) Bad night (1145)
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(309): View more from Illinois

My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.

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(309): My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers. http://tfl.nu/lxb6

Replies (1) Good night (663) Bad night (268)
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(818): View more from California

A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance

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(818): A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance http://tfl.nu/8es4

Replies (7) Good night (429) Bad night (564)

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