hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.