those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
