I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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