weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
