I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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