hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
