I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
