Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
