I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
