I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
