Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
