it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize