hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
