so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
