dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
