i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize