My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
