You made me cry and you don't even care
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
