wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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