The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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