i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
