I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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