She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
