the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
