She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
