Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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