If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
