Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
