I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
