Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
