playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
