that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
