Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
