just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize