my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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