Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
