Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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