it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
