Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
