You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
