I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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