hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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