Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
