Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
